The Things Men Want But Are Afraid To Ask For

In an age of female empowerment, many women have learned to ask for exactly what they want. But what about what men want? Men are regarded as the less communicative of the sexes, the ones who hate talking about their feelings and what they need. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be, but for many men, it’s a reality.

Sometimes men can be a tough nut to crack. And that’s why we were perhaps a bit surprised to discover some of the most commonly desired needs and wants of men, when they were asked to reveal them. Some of these will likely surprise you as well, even if you yourself are a man.

Over-communication often results in re-approximation- meaning a modified degree of closeness. If you’re a woman who’s looking to better understand your man (or men in general), or you’re a man who’s looking to validate some of the feelings you’re having, this is a must-read…

To Know Why You’re Mad

One of the biggest mysteries for men is why we women get upset. We really can’t blame them, because as the magical creatures that we are, sometimes our moods are all over the place. So it’s important to educate them, at least the first two times around, on what our problem is.

On top of that, it would be extremely helpful to be clear with them and let them know what they can do to not let it happen again. Clarity of communication is important.

For You To Say What’s On Your Mind

If there were a species of mind readers out there, none of them would be men; sorry guys, but honestly it’s sort of true. On a more serious note, it’s important to communicate your thoughts and feelings with your man, because allowing him to make assumptions is dangerous. Say what you’re thinking.

After all, you can’t be upset with someone if they failed to read your mind. State your intentions or expectations clearly so there’s no debate.

For More Of Your Patience

Most men know that they screw up and that they do it often. And they’d love it if we could be even more amazing than we already are by being a little bit more patient with them. So, if it’s not too much for you, just try a little more.

Everyone makes mistakes regardless of their gender, and not being attacked or pestered about it is the kind of treatment most people want. Slip-ups happen.

Better Communication

People often think that men are horrible communicators. It is true for a lot of the species, but it’s something they’d like to change. And one way they can do that is with your help. Your effort to communicate better will eventually rub off on him, making it easier for you in the end.

A relationship is a two-way street; don’t expect a man to be a great communicator if you’re not also putting in the effort. You can learn from each other.

For Your Respect

A man won’t ask you for your respect, but it’s one of the most important things he needs, and he will often seek it from you. It’s because he needs to be seen as competent, especially in your eyes, and the easiest way for him to do that is through your respect.

Feeling validated, seen, and appreciated is an innate desire for many people, so it should come as no surprise that men crave this attention. However, they may have been taught not to seek this sort of attention.

For Compliments

Most men blush when people give them compliments, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t need to hear words of praise every now and then. Most men love being adored and appreciated just as much as women do, even if they don’t show it the same way that we do.

Building people up instead of tearing them down is always a great option. So next time you’re with your male friends, don’t be afraid to whip out the kind words.

For You To Ask For Help

Men love and appreciate independence and self-sufficiency in their friends and loved ones, but they also need to feel like they’re doing something for you. You asking for help lets him know that you need him, and that feels great! Make sure that it’s for more than just changing the lightbulb.

There’s a difference between treating someone like a menial worker and asking for genuine help. Sure, having him take on a minor task may be helpful, but he’ll be most rewarded by helping you tackle something important.

For You To Ask For Advice

Like we were saying about the lightbulb, men need to know that you need them. And it really helps him feel like he’s valued if you ask him for his advice. So be sure to ask him what he thinks here and there; it’s something he’ll love but won’t ask you to do.

Even if he’s not that great at giving advice, it can always be helpful to hear a second opinion. And if you don’t agree, that’s fine; you can thank him for his input anyway.

For Your Honesty

Nobody likes being lied to, and it seems like men handle dishonesty a lot differently than women, although the feeling is still the same. Why not say the truth in a manner that’s not as hurtful instead of telling an outright lie? A relationship built on dishonesty is doomed to fail.

You’re not protecting anyone’s feelings or being loving or helpful by telling even little white lies. Just consider the words you choose when you tell the truth.

For Your Company

A guy that you’re seeing shouldn’t have to ask you for your company, because it should be a priority for you too. But if you’re an extremely busy person, schedule spending time with him into your busy week without making it seem like it was a burden to do so.

After all, no one wants to feel like they’re being a burden on someone else. And time you spend together is time you can use to make memories.

For You To Be Present

You can hang out as much as you want, but it’ll seem like nothing if you aren’t present (not just physically) during those moments with him. So, when you are hanging out with your man, make sure to get off your phone or your laptop and really engage with him.

Studies have shown that looking directly into someone’s eyes deepens the bond between people. So be paying attention to the men in your life and give them the time of day they deserve.

For You To Like What He Likes (Or Make An Effort To)

People like different things, and it is a generally accepted belief that opposites attract. So it’s completely okay if you have a Harry Potter obsession but your boyfriend doesn’t. And it’s the same if we flip the situation. What matters is that you care enough about your partner to learn.

Take the time to figure out more about what they love and why they love it so much.  A little effort is all you need. And you might find an undiscovered love of your own!

For You To Make Him Laugh

Life is so hard, and we’re often bombarded on a daily basis by the difficulties that come with it. But it doesn’t always have to be serious, especially in your home. It’s easy to lighten the load with a few jokes. We’re not asking you to go full circus clown with this one.

Instead, just sharing a few funny stories or crazy things you’ve seen on the internet that day will do. These little tidbits are a great way to keep the mood light.

For You To Be His Friend

How many times have you heard an engagement or wedding speech where each party says that their partner is their best friend? A lot, right? It’s a very common theme for good reason. And that’s because it’s very important that beyond and within your relationship, the two of you can function as friends.

Be friends who can tell each other anything, friends who can encourage and lift each other up, and friends who keep each other in line.

For You To Make Him Feel Wanted

This particular point is one that is usually associated with something women want. But as we’ve seen time and time again in this article, men sometimes need the same thing that women do; we are all people, after all. So yes, it is important to make your man feel desired.

Remember to let him know how attracted to him you are. And it doesn’t always have to be all sexual. You can be attracted to someone’s character, sense of humor, and so on.

For You To Make Him Feel Like A Man

This point can be interpreted in many ways, but we’re going to focus on the most serious one. History and traditions have made it hard for men to be vulnerable or show weakness; bottling things up is the norm. It’s unfortunate, but it is not a situation we have to be helpless in.

When life’s downs seem like they’re a little too much to bear, it’s important that you’re there to let him know that you don’t think any less of him for his little stumbles.

To Give Him Space

It’s completely healthy for a man to want his space sometimes. Don’t you like some time to do your own thing, all alone, sometimes? Try not to read too much into it if he seems a bit standoffish, especially if it only lasts for a few hours or maybe a day.

Give him the space to breathe and cool down and you can ask him what’s up later. Sometimes it might not even be that anything is wrong, just that he wants some alone time.

To Let Him Hang Out With His Friends

Some people will be completely confused by this item, and if you are, you can skip this point and continue with the next. The sad truth is that some partners don’t allow their men to hang out with their friends. This is true of both male and female friends as well.

Unless he’s doing it more than, say, three times a week and completely ignoring you and his responsibilities, then this should not be an issue.

For You To Try With His Friends

Friends are a very touchy subject in relationships. And it’s why we’re advising you to “try” to give them a chance. Don’t force a relationship because they’re your man’s friends, but it wouldn’t hurt to be able to hold a conversation or crack a few jokes with them when you guys hang out.

Alienating yourself from his friends will cause tension and loads of awkwardness. Plus, the chance to expand your own friend group is always pretty exciting.

For You To Be Considerate Of His Finances

We’re all for breaking traditional gender roles here, and we’re focusing on the one that says the man is supposed to pay for everything. Now of course we’re not asking you to be a sugar momma, unless that’s what floats your boat, but we are asking that you be a bit more considerate of his finances.

Pick up the bill sometimes, decline an expensive date for something cheaper if things are difficult financially, and don’t ask for things you don’t need if he’s trying to save some money.

For Your Support

A man probably won’t ask you for your support unless he’s at his lowest, and at that point, it may be too little too late. You need to genuinely want to be there for him without him prompting you to. Just think about how comforting it is to know someone has your back.

This can be as simple as noticing that he’s losing interest in his favorite hobbies, or you can outright ask if there’s anything you can do to make life easier for him.

For You To Be Positive

The thing about life is that it’s not all great. When your boyfriend, husband, or partner gets down, he needs you to pull him back up with some positivity. He won’t ask for it, but it’s very important that you get him out of his funk. He’ll appreciate you that much more for it.

Try to shine an optimistic light on his problems, and if he’s struggling, listen. There may be something small you can do that would have a big impact.

For Your Trust

People will throw around the phrase “just trust me” a lot. But trust is actually something that’s needed in relationships. When a man has your trust, he knows that you have faith in him and that you believe in his abilities. This will help to give him confidence in whatever task or challenge he’s trying to overcome.

Not only that, but you’re letting him know that he’s not just a regular person in your life; that’s a pretty special feeling.

For Your Help Making Important Decisions

Sure, a lot of men like being in charge, but that doesn’t mean that he wants to make all the important decisions alone all the time. So make yourself available to being part of the big decisions, whatever those may be for you, in both of you guys’ lives and your relationship.

Not only will you be reducing a stressful burden on him, but your opinions might shine a new light on a situation or bring up a point you hadn’t considered before.

For You To Be His Comfort

Being someone’s comfort is more than just making them feel good when they’re down. Being a man’s comfort means that you’re that one person he can always turn to when he doesn’t want to feel judged, when he thinks no one else will understand what he’s going through, and when he needs to feel loved.

This all comes back to being an active listener. Sometimes, you don’t need to listen and then respond, trying to solve his problems. Just listen.

For Some TLC After A Long Day

Some men have it really hard, and after a long day at work, they really need someone to pamper them. Why? Because they probably won’t do it for themselves, especially in the way a woman would. Doing it for him makes him feel loved and cared for and removes the stress of doing it himself.

Please know that this should also be reciprocated in kind. It’s not just one partner’s responsibility to be a giver; he should make you feel taken care of too.

For No Judgment

Women are often judged way more harshly than men. But I daresay they handle it much better than men do. It’s important for your man to feel safe and free to be himself and live his truth in your relationship. If he senses even a bit of judgment, he’ll shut down.

This is not to say that men can’t handle judgment, just that there are much better ways of approaching an issue than being judgy and putting him on the defensive.

For You To Drive

Oh, this seems like such a simple thing, but a lot of men get sick and tired of being the one to drive all the time. Once in a while, it’s okay to be the one behind the wheel, even if you don’t want to be. Let him enjoy the scenery for once.

If you don’t mind splurging, take a taxi or a fancy car with a driver. This is a great option if you don’t like driving, can’t drive, or want to just try something new.

For You Not To Flirt With Other People

Well, this should be a given, but some partners tend to overlook this as being harmless. But it’s not. Unless you and your partner just don’t care (and have established that), flirting with someone else is disrespectful and can put some serious problems in your relationship. So just don’t do it.

If you are polyamorous or in an open relationship, that’s something to be discussed between the two of you. Follow the rules you set down, whatever they may be.

For You To Be Faithful

Yet another given that must be discussed. Being faithful is one of the most important things in a relationship; it’s just necessary to make a couple work.  Think about how you would feel if someone cheated on you and how horrible it would be to make someone you love feel that way.

Not good right? Think about that if you’re ever tempted. If what you have right now is good, why spoil it on a fling and hurt the person you care about?

For You To Be The Sappy, Cheesy, Romantic One (Sometimes)

Listen, most rom-coms often portray the man or more masculine party in the relationship to be the one who makes the big gestures. And while it is incredibly cute, it doesn’t always have to be that way. Sometimes we can be the ones putting our hearts and feelings on the line.

Imagine the surprise he’ll feel when he’s the one swept off his feet by a unique idea, romantic date, or clever gift? He won’t know what hit him!

For You To Take The Lead With Intimacy Sometimes

Be honest; how would you feel if you were the one to always initiate intimate contact between you and your guy? Almost unwanted, right? So why not be the first to make the move sometimes? Showing attraction, desire, and connection will be needed to not just preserve the relationship, but to grow it. You know what would make him happy.

Just let him take a back seat for once. Spoil him and take him by surprise; you may find that he responds positively to that attention.

For Your Love

Your man should never have to ask you for your love, because it’s one of the hardest things any human can ask for. It’ll make him way too vulnerable, and he just won’t feel comfortable asking you for it. So if you do love him, make sure that he knows and sees it, so he doesn’t have to ask.

After all, how would you feel if you had to constantly ask? Why can’t he just tell you how he feels? It can be frustrating to be in those shoes, so avert that crisis entirely.

For You To Use Your Own Toothbrush

For some people, this isn’t even an option, but for the girls out there who love using their men’s toothbrush without asking, please take a minute and listen up. Even though you guys swap bodily fluids on a regular basis, you don’t have to clean your teeth with the same device.

Half of you just said “What!?” when you realized some people do this. The other half are probably wondering why it’s such a problem. You know which camp you’re in.

For You To Have Good Hygiene

The same way we want our guys to smell good and not be gross, we need to do the same! That means grooming regularly, using deodorant and smelling and looking good: basically, the same you expect from your partner at the bare minimum. And why would you give just the bare minimum to someone you care about?

It’s not too much of an effort to avoid being the gross swamp beast you could be if you lived up to your unclean potential. He’ll appreciate it.

For You To Take Care Of Yourself

Previously we talked about good hygiene. Here, we’re referring to keeping yourself healthy and feeling good. Of course, our bodies and lifestyles change with time, but we should try to maintain a healthy way of living and not let ourselves go. This is for both physical/beauty reasons and more so for longevity reasons.

After all, if you care about someone, you want to be with them in good health for as long as possible. Many people fear a loved one suffering from an illness at all, but especially earlier than they should.

For You To Keep Being Fun

Your man was attracted to you for a reason. And while it is good to grow and mature, changing along the way, it doesn’t mean that you should lose the fun side that drew him in to begin with. Being a great big bore could mean the end of your relationship.

The good news is that it’s easy to grow together and develop new habits and hobbies that involve each other. So your time will often be shared!