Teachers Share The Funniest Answers They’ve Seen On Students’ Tests

Teachers have to be some of the most wonderful and patient people on the whole planet. Whether it’s watching little kids with way too much energy, or dealing with emotional and rebellious teens, teachers have to be ready to take anything in stride. Amid the drama, teachers live for those wonderful, heartwarming, and funny moments they can share with students.

Students are humans, which means they make mistakes. Sometimes though, these mistakes draw some unavoidable laughter. From giving not-so-smart answers, to taking questions too literally, teachers have struggled to stifle their chuckles as they’ve watched students offer some… unique answers to questions. Some of these educators have taken to the Internet to share the most memorable, and hilarious answers their students have ever given…

Nothing Is Appealing 

This isn’t my story, but I had to share it on behalf of my mom, who’s a fantastic teacher. So, my mother taught gifted kids who needed to get 97% or higher on a test to get in to her class. In Kindergarten, the kids weren’t expected to read yet, so she would read the question, and the kids would circle a picture answer.

One question on the test was, “Which of the following objects has a peel?” The answers were a plate, a football, or an orange. The kid who had been doing an excellent job in the class stopped dead in tracks. He looked stricken that he didn’t know the answer. Finally, he said, “None of them really APPEAL to me.” He ended up circling the football. Reddit User: WaffleFoxes

How To Spell 

When I was a little one once upon a time, I think I was probably in first grade maybe. In school, the teachers had assigned us a test. It was an oral test, and one question the teacher asked was, “Spell eye.” So I spelled it: “I.” Now that I think of it, that’s a terrible question, because it’s ambiguous.

I’m pretty sure I figured it out after the test because I was confused by the question, and that’s why it’s the only question I remember. If the teacher had placed the question in context, it would have made a lot more sense to first grade me as to what type of “eye” he had wanted us to spell. Needless to say, it’s a story that stuck with me. Reddit User: yaosio 

Naming A Shape 

I was going over a math quiz with a kid who had a hard time understanding exactly what the questions were asking, and we got to a question that read “name the following shape.” I looked at what he had written, and I wasn’t really sure. I then asked him, and I said, “Brody, what did you name this shape?”

He replied and said, “It’s a square.” His handwriting wasn’t the best, but it very clearly did not say “square.” So I asked him again and said, “No, what did you write down as the answer to this question, what did you name this shape?” He was silent for a little bit and finally answered by saying, “I…I named it after myself. I named it Brody.” Reddit User: eggsistoast

A New Way Of Looking At Ratios 

We were working on ratios in my classroom and being able to write out the relationship between the two things. So for example, “for every one circle, there are three squares.” So they had a question that had x number of dogs and cats, and we had to write a ratio in simplest form and describe the relationship between cats and dogs.

The one kid had the most brilliant responses to this question that I will never forget and think that everyone will really appreciate. He had written, “There is no relationship between cats and dogs because they do not get along.” I knew I couldn’t give him a mark for this, but I wanted to so badly; he still got a sticker, though. Reddit User: youngandstarving

The Things You Learn In School 

I once got this so ingrained in my head that I started to write my name on the top right corner of every sheet of paper handed to me if I was holding something to write with. Get a sheet of paper to do calculations on it that will be thrown away at the end of the exam? Name on it. Notes taken for yourself that no one sees? Name.

A sheet that you have to hand back at the end of class to reuse for the next one? Well, they knew exactly who wrote on it, because their name was on it. I still catch myself nearly signing the top of random sheets of paper that have no business having my name attached to them. It’s interesting the things we keep with us from school. Reddit User: garyyo

All About European Wars 

There was an essay question asking why Britain generally stayed out of European wars. Part of one student’s answer: “England could ignore the continent because they were safe on the island. No one wanted to spend the time and money to risk invading England when they could just invade Poland instead.” In his defense, I did mention that one of the themes of modern history is Poland getting conquered at the start of every war.

This isn’t really wrong, and I didn’t take any points off. It’s just funny that his first thought was of Poland as a release valve for all the invade-ness going on in Europe. It’s always interesting to see as a teacher how certain students interpret different questions and information that I talk to them about. As a teacher, these are the things that are great. Reddit User: locutus013

The Advantages And Disadvantages Of Reproduction  

I teach science, and when we get to the chapter on various types of organism reproduction, we always cover the advantages and disadvantages of the different types of reproduction. For example, populations of organisms that reproduce asexually can grow rapidly, which can be advantageous in certain environments. And organisms of sexual reproduction produce offspring that are genetically diverse, which can also be an advantage.

One day, I asked the class to name a disadvantage of sexual reproduction. This kid yelled out, “STDs, dude!” I mean, they’re not wrong, it just isn’t something I usually cover, being that they are all 11-12. Maybe it’s time to revise the curriculum and start including this. Anyway, it was interesting and funny at the same time. It makes you think about what you say. Reddit User: KeslieLnope

Picking The Lock

I’m a pediatric diabetes educator, and during new-onset education sessions, I explain how glucose enters cells by saying there’s a door on the outside of each cell, and the key that opens it and allows the glucose in is insulin. I usually ask, “And what do we use to open a locked door?” and the kid says “a key!” thus leading to explaining insulin….

Well, I was teaching an 8-year-old girl, and her response to that question was, “You pick the lock!” Dad stammered a bit, and we all laughed. She has a point, and I suppose that’s what you have to do sometimes in life when things aren’t working out the way they should have. Kids are great, and this is why I love working with them. Reddit User: jakijo

The Best Exam Essay 

So, my state has a high stakes exam for every subject high schoolers must pass to graduate. For the ELA exam, students have to write an argumentative essay on a controversial topic using provided documents. We train our high schoolers to provide a definition of the terms used in the essay. They’re usually specific, technical terms, like “de-extinction” or “structured recess,” stuff like that…. 

Recently, there was an essay on self-driving cars, and most of the students just didn’t provide a definition and went right to their argument. One student, though, is kind of a smarty pants. He wrote, “A car is a metal box that has four wheels that gets you from place to place.” I thought this was hysterical, and I still tease the student about it from time to time. The other grader didn’t think it was nearly as funny. The kid passed, by the way. Reddit User: spiderlegged

The Palace Of Knossos 

My mum was a student teacher at a local high school and ran a glossary test for her Grade 11 students. One question she posed for them was: “What is the Palace of Knossos?” A rather bright student answered, “A palace at Knossos.” He got full credit for it.

The kid who defined the word “oligarchy” as “a gay priest,” however, was probably the reason that she yelled at the whole class for not putting enough effort in….That first kid went on to become a history teacher and I ended up marrying him, actually.

My mum gave him a book about the Palace of Knossos not long before we got married. I’m pretty sure she’ll never let him live it down. It’s amazing how things work out, and my mum really has so many stories from her days as a teacher, but this will always be her favorite. Reddit User: lorekace

The Lorax 

We were doing character traits using examples from a story, which was The Lorax. I asked students to work with a partner and come up with three words that describe the Once-ler and give an example to explain why. One pair said, “Savage.” As in, “savage af” and other meme stuff. I was about to correct them and what they had said….

The words we had specifically discussed were things like greedy, mean, selfish, etc., and I was going to suggest they try a different word when I realized that they were totally right. And their example made sense with it, so I instead commended their creativity and said I totally agreed. Sometimes your students really do make you see something in a different way than you ever would before. Reddit User: dashestodashes

When You’re Accidentally Correct 

In math class in fifth grade, our teacher singled out the class clown that never raised his hand of his own volition because he couldn’t do the math, giving him a very easy question: “What’s seven times three?” The class clown was completely caught by surprise and just violently busted out, “Ah shoot!” with a bewildered look on his face…. 

The thing was, coincidentally, he pronounced his exclamation such that the “shoot” sounded almost like “shuu-ette” which is how you say the number 21 in Swedish. Just so you all know, this was at a school in Sweden, so what he ended up saying was technically correct. The teacher quickly regained his composure and awesomely quipped “That’s correct” to the entire classroom bursting out in laughter. Reddit User: nuke-from-orbit

Outsmarting The Teacher 

I was the student on this one. It was 6th grade, and we had a science quiz. At the end was the question, “How far away is the earth from the sun?” The answer was supposed to be 93 million miles, but I had a brain fart at that exact moment. In desperation, I tried to outsmart the teacher. I ended up writing down “1AU,” which means “astronomical unit….”

And it literally is the distance from the earth to the sun. It turns out the teacher was looking for a specific number and a unit, and taking my smarty pants attitude even further, I explained the answer and got double bonus points, because (and I quote) “earth’s distance from the sun is not set in place because it has an elliptical orbit.” I’m still kind of proud of that one. Reddit User: BurritoInABowl

The International Students 

There were three sisters who all arrived in our high school from Yemen, and they did not speak a lick of English. They were just thrown right into mainstream English classes and were completely deer in the headlights for a while. Like most new immigrant students, I’ve had extremely hard work. In a year, they were less timid, starting to participate more…. 

Two years in and their personalities were starting to come through, though they were still far from complete mastery. One day towards the end of that year, I had a short movie clip lined up to go with our lesson, so I said, “Today, we’re going to start by watching a video. Does anyone know why?” One of the sisters doesn’t even bother raising her hand and, deadpan, jokes, “Because it’s Friday?” Reddit User: SimbaPenn

The Roman Empire Lesson 

We talked about the Roman Empire and about slavery. On the test, there was a question where they had to state two arguments for and two arguments against slavery. Most children said something like its inhumane, or they said they didn’t want it to happen for themselves, so they didn’t want it to happen to others. Then there was this one boy…. 

He said that he didn’t want to have a slave because he needed to provide him with clothes, food, and water, and that would be just too much work. He has a fair point, and I guess he has a fair understanding now of the tough times that other people had to go through in the history of the world. Reddit User: MacLenski

Taking A Nap In Class

I was taking this pharmacy technician class. Well, being a chemistry major, everything was all pretty easy, so a lot of times, I’d show up to class with a hangover or whatnot and just fall asleep in class. The teacher was going over abbreviations for different drugs and I was out of it.

The teacher decided to call my name to ask me what the drug ASA actually stood for…. Kind of waking up and trying to figure out what’s going on, I quickly say acetylsalicylic acid. She busts out, laughing, yelling, “No, well, yes, but no, I was looking for aspirin.”

The next thing you know, everyone turns their heads to me, thinking “how would he know that one?” If it wasn’t for an organic chemistry lab where we synthesized aspirin I did the semester before that summer, I wouldn’t have known. Reddit User: Rooftrellin

The Treason Act 

I’m not a teacher, but in high school for English Lit, we once had an assignment where we had a mock trial for Jonathan Swift for treason. One team was the prosecution; the other was the defense team, which I was on. The teacher’s intention was that we look up relevant passages from the text and build our case on them…. 

But that wasn’t explicitly stated. I instead looked up the 1351 Treason Act on the UK Parliament website and found that Swift was not liable to prosecution under the act. We still had to do the actual literature work, but we did mention during the ‘trial’ that the prosecution’s case was DOA because of a technicality. It was pretty crazy stuff. Reddit User: LightBadger

Your Favorite Type Of Chocolate 

I was working in a kindergarten class, and a “Star Student” was allowed to choose three students to ask him a question about himself. The first student asked, “What’s your favorite kind of chocolate?” The star student stood there a little bit confused and didn’t know what to answer. I was a bit unsure what was going on at that point in the class…. 

So I told the boy who asked the question to try again and perhaps list the different kinds of chocolate so it would be easier for the star student to choose from. The first student agreed with me and asked again, “What’s your favorite kind of chocolate? Is it Easter, Christmas, or Valentine’s Day?” This was pure gold. Reddit User: Bocree

Math Class Goals 

I’m not a teacher, but I was the student, and I threw out an answer that made the teacher smirk. He told the class what I did. It was a relatively complex equation on the surface; I’m probably really dumbing this problem down, but it was a similar design to (X3/7 + 793000 – 402)/2 >= 330,868. Solve for X….

All the other kids are carefully dissecting the problem to solve for X. What number is acceptable? Well, this is a timed test, and I decide I don’t have time for this nonsense. X needs to complete the equation to be greater than or equal to 330,868? All right. X is 100 trillion. Next problem. If you’re not a math person, that’s okay, though. Reddit User: StupidSTUPIDLogin

The Sand Castle Story 

So my high school engineering teacher once told us a story about his wife, who was my 3rd grade teacher, and who now teaches 5th grade. A question on the test was supposed to be about tides, and it said: “When would be the best time to build a sand castle?” And since it was not multiple choice, one student answered oddly…. 

“When the least people are around.” The kid technically wasn’t wrong, and this is a very good way of looking at it in a logical and practical sense. How do you even grade that as a teacher? The kid clearly had a good head and was just answering it with what they thought was truly a correct answer. Well done kid, well played. Reddit User: mysticclay

The Fire Drill

In preschool, the teachers explained to us that the bells/ringing meant it was time to clean up, pack up, and line up at the door for recess or to go home. Now one day, there was a fire drill. The alarms go off, and they’re the same as the usual bells and ringing.

So I start packing up and cleaning while the teachers make the drill announcement…. I command my table of fellow 4-year-olds to follow my lead, and they do. The teacher comes over and asks why we aren’t following the class. I put my hand up to stop them and calmly explain. “The bells mean it’s time to pack up and leave. I’m leaving.”

The teacher explains that this time, it’s a fire drill, and we have to get out for safety. I slam my hands on the table and go, “You said fire drill. Drills are practice. It’s not real. I’m going home because bells mean I go home.” Reddit User: Iamcomerussia

The Spelling Correction 

I work helping a teacher of kindergarten, and after we talked about the importance of water to the kids, they were going to draw something about it to learn more and participate in the topic that we had just taught them about. The teacher wrote on the board, “Save water!” So one child said, “Teacher, you wrote the letter ‘I’ wrong….”

We looked to the board again and said, “There isn’t any letter I in that phrase,” but he insisted. Then he came to the board and pointed to the exclamation point and said, “You wrote the letter ‘i’ upside down.” It was really cute, and we all had a good laugh at it. Kids really see the world in such a different way than adults, and I’m here for it. Reddit User: GatoGodinez

Whose Line Is It Anyway 

In middle school, our English teacher was a funny guy named Mr. Hodges. He would have us read our homework together, but basically it would be one person at a time reading, and then at any point you would call out a name and that person would have to start reading, and so on. I don’t remember what we were reading; it was like Holes or something…. 

Anyways, there was this timid girl named Mary who really didn’t like reading out loud, so naturally, her friends would call her name out to get her to read a lot. This one day, though, she was getting called a lot, so when she got called on again, the text lined up so perfectly so that all she said was, “GOD! Mr. Hodges!” Reddit User: [redacted]

A Translation Mix-Up 

I teach ESL in a university in China. The topic in class was the effect of sleep on studying. After introducing the phrase “pulling an all-nighter,” I asked the students to give some advice on how they can stay awake in class after they pulled an all-nighter. This one student pipes up and comes up with the suggestion: “Take some coke….”

I look at the student and give them a bewildered look because I can’t believe what I’ve just heard in my classroom. I know young people see drugs as recreational, but it’s not that casual. So I say, “Excuse me?” The student says, “Yes, you know, like in Coca-Cola, coffee, tea….” I paused for a moment, now understanding what he meant, and then he realized what he had done and said, “Oh sorry, I meant caffeine.” Reddit User: xNaVx

Not Trying To Be Funny 

I teach forensic science. We were going to be using iodine to fume fingerprints. Iodine vapor is no joke, so I terrify the students and use only two volunteers with goggles, and respirators, and a chemical hood. But, we still all go over the MSDS, PPE, and equipment. I spent maybe five minutes talking about everything and the chemical hood to my class of thirty…. 

Towards the end, I said, “So, someone tell me: what is a hood?” A hand shoots up. “Yes, [student].” “It’s, like, the place where you grow up.” I face palm, the class laughs at the answer, and I’m unable to pivot his answer at the moment. He’s on the autism spectrum and wasn’t trying to be funny. Reddit User: Jabbawookiee

That’s Not How You Do An Eye Exam 

I’m not a teacher, but I remember something I did when I was in grade 2. The student teacher took us into a private room one by one for eye exams. I’d never taken an eye exam before, and it wasn’t really explained to me what was happening. I was just sat down and asked to read the first line of the chart…. 

Then the second. Then the third. By the time it came to the fourth line, I was like, “It’s too small for me to read, one minute please,” and then I got up, walked over to the board, and started reading the letters. Apparently, that’s not how you do eye exams. I think of this moment every time I go for an eye exam these days. Reddit User: OmNomNational

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

I worked in a special needs class for a year, and there was one kid with a textbook case of Aspergers. He was clearly very bright, but was also a very tough nut to crack. I tried to tell him a corny joke once, and he was not having it. “Why did the chicken cross the road?” He had a very different response to what I thought….

He replied by saying, “He likely had business over there or was compelled by force.” Well, okay. I didn’t quite know what to respond after that, but he was completely serious about his answer. And, in the context, it was a valid one too. That definitely is one of my top memories of taking that class; what a kid. I wonder how he’s doing. Reddit User: scotthferris

Pick Up Will 

I teach and coach baseball. After our shortstop got thrown out on second for the third out, I told someone to “pick up Will,” which in baseball terms means to get his glove and hat so he can stay out on the field. This kid who was new to baseball, a big lineman type football player, claps his hands and goes, “It’s okay, Will, you’ll get ’em next time….”

I cried laughing. Just to clarify for those who don’t understand this story, Will was the name of the short stop. The kid who “picked him up” was genuinely being nice and thoughtful, but coming from this big intimidating kid, it was really funny. It’s still my favorite memory, and I love teaching baseball, and hearing all the things these kids say. Reddit User: EarthNoMore

Two Times Tables 

The kids were practicing their twos times tables like 2×2, 2×3, and so on. The question said something along the lines of, “John lives in his house with his mom, dad, brother, and grandpa. How many total hands do the people in John’s house have altogether?” The answer they were looking for was ten, and they wanted the students to show that 2×5=10.

This young man instead wrote, “Not enough information. What if someone lost a hand?” He wasn’t wrong. My wife just wrote, “Good thinking” on his assignment and gave him full credit. The kid was bright and knew his times tables, so that wasn’t an issue. She also had his older brother as a student and said they were both smart, but jokesters. Reddit User: Shostakovich22

Animals Are People Too 

I was in a special education room where the children were sorting nouns; the picture of the mailman went in the “people” column, the baseball went in the “things” column, and so on. There were several pictures of animals, and a little girl, who wore shirts with puppies and horses on them almost daily, sorted the animals in the “people” column and was the only one in class to have done so…. 

I pulled her aside to ask her why she didn’t sort the animals in the “things” column. She started giggling and burst out laughing, saying, “How is an animal like a thing? Animals are alive! A cow can’t be like a desk!” And she’s cracking up because she thinks it’s so silly that people view animals as things. I asked her if someone taught her that or if she just knew it and she said it was just something she knows. It was touching and innocent and very sweet. Reddit User: littlerubbersoulfoal

The Language Of Gollum 

In grade 9 English, we were studying The Hobbit. Our bonus question for the test was, “What word does Gollum never say?” The answer, of course, was “I,” but one kid put down “pumpernickel,” and the teacher was baffled at what to say, and ended up saying that he was right and had to give him a mark for it…. 

This was a bonus question meant to give you an easy mark, which it did, as he gave the guy a point for pumpernickel. Had it been a more Hobbity question, it would have just been included in the main exam. He also asked about the 1994 Stanley Cup playoffs and Dr. Seuss’s The Lorax. The main body of the test was much more academic. Reddit User: Frivolouscake

Ms. Goblin Queen The Dictator 

I wish I could show you the picture I took of this response. Long story short, as part of a vocabulary-building activity in 9th grade English, the students were supposed to draw a visual representation of one of this unit’s vocabulary words. A student turned in a drawing for the word “tyranny.” The drawing consisted of a stick figure teacher labeled “Ms. Goblin Queen….”

Ms. Goblin Queen is me, and on the drawing, it shows me in front of three stick figure students. I laughed out loud when I saw it. He isn’t technically wrong; most days, I’m more of a tyrannical dictator than a democratic leader of the class. That’s the life of a teacher and a drawing assignment I will treasure forever. Reddit User: goblinqueen1513

We Don’t Say Bad Words Here 

I used to teach preschool. One time, when we were eating lunch, a little girl called another kid in the class “stupid.” A third preschooler, who was a stickler for the rules and a bit of a tattletale, overheard and began admonishing the name caller. “Don’t call people stupid,” she exclaimed. “Stupid is a bad word and we don’t say bad words….”

A fourth child, Henry, overheard this announcement. Henry was always getting into trouble; the smart ones are trouble makers at that age. He was my favorite student though. He looked directly at me, raised one eyebrow, and said, “Oh yeah? Witch (but it was with the ‘b’) and freak are bad words too. We don’t say those either.” I died.  Reddit User: ur_a_fine_person

When You Can’t Solve The Question  

Senior year, I took Advanced Chemistry because I had enjoyed Honors Chemistry during sophomore year and I liked the teacher. The final exam had an absolutely brutal final question, but he phrased the request for an answer as “Can you tell me…” instead of “What is….” I had no clue how to even go about trying to solve the answer, so I wrote: “In all honesty, no, I cannot….”

And I underlined “Can you tell me” in the question. The teacher gave me full credit for the answer, which gave me a final grade in that class that qualified me for the Cum Laude Society. Under my answer, he wrote, “They’re going to love you in business school. Nice one, smarty pants.” What a great teacher he was. Reddit User: MisterWoodhouse

Treating Books With Respect 

My older brother was the student. He had Mr. Smith, one of the friendliest teachers I’ve ever known and whom you could mess about with, for geography the first time in secondary school. Mr. Smith handed out the exercise books by throwing them to the students from the front of the classroom.

He was careful not to hit anyone….When my brother got thrown his, he promptly threw it back at the teacher. “Trishata96’s brother, why did you throw this back at me?” He said, “You’re not meant to throw books sir. You’re meant to treat them with respect.”

From then on, whenever the teacher had my brother, he’d have it passed down instead of thrown. When he had me when I was in his geography class five years later, he made a point to hand me my book instead of throwing it to me. Reddit User: Trishata96

It’s How You Phrase Things

The students had a simple reading comprehension quiz. They had to read the legend of Narcissus, a god who died because he couldn’t look away from his own beautiful reflection, hence the term narcissist. One of the questions was “how did Narcissus die?”

“Easy,” the student ended up writing, paraphrased as this was more than eight years ago, “Narcissus, who could not look away from his own reflection….”“He ended up dying of his own closeted homosexuality, since he fell in love with himself, and he was a man.”

I also had a friend in a religious studies university course answer the question, “Who was Veronica?” with “Archie’s girlfriend and Betty’s rival.” The professor had meant one of the bearers of the cross with Jesus. She got the point since he didn’t specify which Veronica. Reddit User: superboredteacher

The Cost Of Oranges 

I get goofy answers a lot since I teach a glorified current events class, and I wish I could remember them, but one day I got an answer that caused me to laugh so hard I honestly fell over, so I’ll share that one. They were doing a lesson involving figuring out the cost of living where we live for a unit on poverty.

They were figuring out groceries, and the smart kid of the group calculates how much it costs for a year’s supply of oranges….This is since they need to “vary their ramen-based diet.” Anyway, the number is lost in translation, and his somewhat ditzy partner puts down that their group would spend $53 a month on oranges vs. $53 a year.

I came by to check in to see how the students were doing and saw how much they were spending on oranges. I just pictured them sitting in a tiny studio apartment surrounded by piles of oranges and nothing else and I just lost it. Reddit User: Bluestreaking

Naming An Invertebrate 

I called on a student who was clearly not paying attention, and the conversation went like this. I said, “Student’s Name, please name an invertebrate.” The student then responded by saying, “Well, yesterday you said a vertebrate has a backbone, so I would guess that an invertebrate does not.

Hmm, I would have to say that a raccoon that’s been run over by my dad’s 18-wheeler no longer has a backbone….” It was just complete, utter silence after that. Also, let me just point out that these are not attitude-filled high schoolers. They were third graders that I teach.

So, he was actually just saying what he thought was a decent answer to my question. You got to love third graders and their bluntness! Still not sure if this is technically correct. I say no, but most people disagree with me. Reddit User: WISweetheart