Parents Recall The Funniest Things They Were Called Into School For

When you don’t have kids of your own, being a parent can look like an exercise in stress, boredom, and gross messes that you’d consider calling a professional cleaning crew in to deal with. But, for those insiders who are parents, you know that those moments are coupled with plenty of weird, bizarre, and downright hilarious situations that you’ll remember—and be able to remind your kids about—for the rest of your life.

As any parent knows, those situations only get more bizarre as your child reaches school age. Once your kid’s at school, you can be called to the principal’s office or a parent-teacher conference to discuss something that your little darling has done—or not done.

That call might be for disobedience, or for arguing with the teacher, or things so utterly baffling that a parent can’t help but laugh at. Whether or not the teacher laughs, though, is another story. The following are hilarious stories from parents who were called into school for some wild and totally unexpected reasons…

We Thought He Had A Cold

My son’s preschool teacher called and said that he seemed to have a very bad sinus infection. She said that he had brown and yellow snot coming out of his nose. We told her that he’d been sick with a head cold and had already gone to the doctor, but he seemed to be on the mend, so we were comfortable with him going back to school.

She was adamant that he was very sick, so we took him to the doctor again, just in case. On the way to the doctor’s office, my son looks at me and says, “Mommy, I put an M&M in my nose.” Of course he did. It’s not like I never stuck peas up my nose as a kid. He’ll never live it down. Reddit user: beermethestrength

No Sense Of Humor

I went to pick up my youngest daughter from school, and the music teacher was there waiting for me, arms crossed, looking very angry. As I drove up and my youngest got in, the music teacher came up to my car, and motioned for me to roll down the window. She said, “Your daughter was disruptive in my class today.”

The teacher went on to tell me that while she was having the class clap to a song, my daughter kept clapping on the off beats. The teacher asked her why she was doing it, and my daughter said that she did it because it was funny, and it made the rest of the class laugh. And, honestly, so did I.

I laughed out loud right then and there. The music teacher looked at me, un-amused. Then I said, “Oh crap, guess I shouldn’t be laughing, huh?” I had a chat with my daughter about directing her sense of humor more appropriately, like on the playground, and to please not be disruptive again in music class. Then, I took her out for ice cream. Reddit user: SouthernGirlInNH

My Name Is “Mom”

When my son was in the first grade, he once forgot to give me a permission slip for a field trip they were going on. He gets to school on the day of the trip, and realizes that he’s failed to have me fill out his permission slip. So, he does what any first-grader would do: he decided to give forgery the old college try.

Now remember, this is the first grade. He’s only six or seven, so the handwriting was awful, and it’s not like anyone was going to believe I’d filled out the form. I couldn’t help but laugh when his teacher told me what he’d done. The teacher laughed, too. It wasn’t the first time they’d had that happen. What really got me was that he even signed my name “Mom”. At least he got my name right. Reddit user: mulletamore

Red Faced

I got a phone call earlier this year from the school nurse. She told me she was concerned, because my son had passed out in the lunch line. I immediately went to pick him up. He seemed a little dazed, but generally okay, and he couldn’t remember anything about what happened before he passed out, so I made an appointment with his pediatrician that same day.

Right as we were getting ready to leave, he was looking very sheepish, so I asked him what was wrong. “Mom,”  he said, “I just remembered that right before I passed out, we were playing a game to see who could turn their face the reddest.” So, here I was thinking he had a brain tumor; but, no—he’d just held his breath until he passed out. Reddit user: echeveria_rn

Jailbreak

I used to take early morning college classes while my daughter was at preschool. One day, I got out of class, and saw several missed calls and texts from the preschool. A voicemail said she had been throwing up, and to please hurry and come get her. When I got to the school, the receptionist showed me to a room where my daughter sat with a trash can in her lap.

She told me my daughter kept announcing she was throwing up, and would cough and spit into the trash can. She had no fever, and was otherwise cheerful and talkative. To be on the safe side, I signed her out, anyway. I got her into my car, where she jumped forward, kissed my cheek, told me she missed me, and asked where I wanted to go for lunch. That child had busted herself out of preschool to trick me into a lunch date. It worked. Reddit user: [redacted]

The Unicorn Club

When my daughter was in the fifth grade, she was proving to be a pretty responsible kid, so she was allowed to have her own cell phone. To be honest, it was mostly because she got home from school about an hour or so before I got home from work on weekdays. She was also allowed to have an Instagram account, which I constantly monitored. We’ve only ever had one issue because of it.

One day, I got a call from her school’s principal, who told me that two boys had been fist fighting in the lunchroom. Confused, I asked what that had to do with my daughter. Well, apparently, my child had created a new Instagram account, to start something called the Unicorn Club. Unicorns were the proverbial good guys, and goats were the bad guys trying to lead the unicorn’s followers astray.

So, it turned out that these boys had gotten into a fist fight over whether the unicorns, or the goats, were better. I picked her up to prevent any further problems, and gently instructed her to disband the Unicorn Club as soon as possible. And that was how my daughter almost started her own cult. Reddit user: TrashPandaWrangler

That’s Not What It’s For

When my son was four years old, his daycare called me at work one day in a panic, explaining that I needed to come right away, because he was “stuck” in something. Obviously, I was terrified. Assuming the worst, I immediately left work and rushed to the daycare. The whole way there I was picturing all of the things he could possibly be stuck in, but none of them held a candle to what he’d actually got himself into.

Apparently, he’d decided that he wanted to see how the training potty seat would look as a necklace. So, he put it around his neck, but couldn’t get it off. I showed up just in time to see the fire department pull up. Fortunately, they were able to get him out pretty quickly. Even better, they were also able to take a picture of him with it around his neck. If he ever gets married, I’m so putting that in with his wedding photos. Reddit user: Maxtrt

A Future Career

I once got a call from my daughter’s daycare saying that she was vandalizing books. This was very strange to me, because we love books in our house. When I got there, I found out she’d handed all of her friends a book, then got them to line up in front of her while she was seated at a little desk. Then, she scribbled inside the cover of each book. She told the teacher they were playing “book launch.”

My husband is a writer, with tons of writer friends, so we go to a million author-signing events every month. We had to sit her down and explain to her that it’s unethical to sign books that you didn’t write yourself, as she stared at us with this solemn look on her face. We bought the daycare facility a new stack of books. Reddit user: humanityrus

We Have Some Demands

My son had an interesting incident in preschool. By the time I got there, everything had returned to normal but, apparently, none of the kids wanted to take a nap, so my son stood up on the table, and gave a speech to the other kids that started a mutiny. They even had some demands: more juice, and no naps.

When the staff refused to comply with these demands, the kids all ran out to the playground. The playground was enclosed by a six foot wooden fence, and had a three foot chain link fence that led to the parking area. The staff finally gave in after he had the kids attack the small chain fence in coordinated rounds.

When the staff went inside to get the ransom-juice, they found two children in the kitchen filling milk crates with juice already. He had apparently dispatched a clandestine special forces team to take the juice, when he noticed all the teachers were in the parking lot. It took the owner 45 minutes to tell me the whole story, she was laughing so hard. Must’ve been a heck of a speech. Reddit user: pacodefan

Making A Point

When my son was in preschool, he came home one day with his pants ripped to shreds. He hadn’t come home with a note or anything, so I had no idea what was going on. This was before teachers were able to call you up on the phone whenever your kid got into something. Confused and a little alarmed, I asked him what happened. He claimed he’d been attacked by a porcupine.

The truth is that, one day in class, his teacher told him that the safety scissors were too dull to cut through cloth. So my son, the bright crayon that he was, set out on a mission to prove her wrong. Somehow he was able to do this without her noticing, so who really had the last laugh? I only recently found this out, almost 30 years later. Reddit user: monster

Don’t Forget To Wash Your Sheets

I’m the child in this story, but it’s too funny not to share. One day, when my twin sister and I were in the fourth grade, our mother was called to pick both of us up, because we were turning blue. You can imagine what my mom was thinking. There are lots of terrible reasons why we’d suddenly be blue.

Despite the panic and confusion, we felt perfectly fine. It was only after she arrived that we all remembered that she’d put brand-new blue flannel sheets on our bed the night before. Apparently she hadn’t washed them first. It’s a running joke for us to this day. Hey, mom, did you remember to wash the sheets? Reddit user: CrochetyNurse

When You Gotta Go

I got a call from my son’s school telling me that he was sick, and that I had to come to pick him up. He’d seemed completely fine that morning, so I asked the nurse if she was sure he really couldn’t go back to class. She said she was sure, and that I needed to come get him. I said okay, and headed over.

We live within walking distance of the school. I picked him up and, on the walk home, I asked him what was going on. He said he’d had to fart really badly, and didn’t want to do it in front of the whole class. I just laughed and said okay. I mean honesty, what was I going to say, right?

Two days later, I got another call to pick him up. So, I go to collect him and find out it’s for the same reason. I told him that it was funny once, but that from now on if he needed to fart while he was in class, he needed to ask to go to the bathroom. It was also funny the second time. Reddit user: LilyKnightMcClellan

She Wasn’t Happy About It

One day, I received a call from the vice principal of my daughter’s school while I was at work. I could tell the VP was holding back laughter, but she tried to remain professional. She said, “Hello, your daughter acted out in class today.” Uh oh. Turns out, the children were switching from coloring to reading, and my daughter was not pleased.

She threw her crayons down and pointedly said to the teacher, “Are you freaking kidding me?” My knee-jerk reaction was to say “What? Are you freaking kidding me?” (Obviously, it’s clear where she learned this from.) My second comment was, “Wow, I have a kid in junior kindergarten that knows how to use that phrase in its correct form.”

The following year, the VP was no longer at the school, but we are both members of the same social group, and talked quite often. She loves to tell me – and anyone else who wants to listen – that making that phone call to me was one of the funniest calls she’s had to make as an educator. Reddit user: Mrs-Davis

Caffeine Fix

For context, I’m a physician. I got a call years ago when my then six-year-old decided to push a coffee bean up his nose during his arts and crafts session. It’d started to hurt, so he finally owned up to the teacher about what he’d done. I get to the school, and there is my son sitting there looking a bit sheepish—as he should.

I asked him why he did it, and he told me that he was told he wasn’t allowed to eat it, but he wanted it in his tummy anyway. Sure enough, he had a big old bean lodged halfway up his nose. Got to get your coffee fix somehow, I guess. Perhaps my spouse and I were too detailed when explaining the anatomy of the upper body to our children.

With a few simple medical instruments (including tweezers), the coffee bean was easily removed from his nose, and he never got anything stuck up there again. My boy, who’s now a teenager, is called by the nickname “Bean” because of this incident by most of his classmates, who are also now in high school with him. Reddit user: IamsomebodyAMA

You Can’t Take It With You

My brilliant child somehow got his finger stuck in his desk. The teacher tried using some kind of oil to lube it up and pull it out, but it just wouldn’t budge. They ended up having to call the fire department to come cut him out of his bizarre finger trap, but the firemen couldn’t bring their tools into the classroom.

So, they had to carry the desk all the way down a long hallway to the principal’s office, with my son doing the walk of shame beside it. I showed up just as the firemen pulled away, after cutting the desk open to free his finger. No matter how long I live or where my child goes, I’ll always be there to remind him that the fire department once had to cut him out of his desk. Reddit user: Texas_Crazy_Curls

Every Kids’ Worst Nightmare

Do you remember that dream every kid has growing up? The one where you show up to school, and realize you don’t have any clothes on? Well, my daughter’s grandmother (my mother) had given a silk warm-up suit to my daughter. Except, grandma didn’t think to let me know that it was silk; she assumed that I was knowledgeable enough to handle my own laundry. I wasn’t.

Not knowing it was silk, I washed it with the regular wash, so my daughter could wear it to school the next day. I quickly got a call from the school requesting I come to pick her up, because her clothes were falling apart. Oh, boy. By the time I got to the school, her clothes were absolutely shredded. My poor girl. Maybe she won’t have that nightmare, now that she’s lived it? Reddit user: Lumbergod

The Bad Word

One day, when my son was in the third grade, he came home and sheepishly told me that he got in trouble for saying a very bad word. All he’d tell me was that someone told him it was the “C” word. I totally was flabbergasted. I mean, I’m no saint, but I’m always careful about the language I use around my children.

Eventually, I got to the bottom of it. It turns out the “C” word in question was “crap.” Wait, what? I couldn’t help but laugh. When I spoke to the teacher, she had exactly the same reaction. It was a fellow student who’d told him it was a “very bad word,” and had turned him in. Needless to say, he didn’t get in trouble. Reddit user: Tripperfunster

No Shame

When my son was in kindergarten, he was responsible for dressing himself. He had a habit of sometimes forgetting to put all of his clothes on. In this case, it was his underpants. My son somehow managed to moon his entire class in kindergarten. When I came to get him, he explained that he’d forgotten to wear underwear, and that’s why he was sent to the principal’s office.

I said, “No, it’s because you showed everybody your behind.” He looked at me and said, “Oh, so no TV tonight, right?” Apparently, exposing his entire behind wasn’t much of an issue for him. He’s a bit older now and, as far as I know, is able to keep his pants up at school, and always wears underwear. Reddit user: [redacted]

Wrong Number

I received a call telling me that my daughter had peed her pants at school, and that I needed to take clean clothes to her—she was about four or five at the time. This was weird because she never peed her pants anymore, and the teacher was supposed to have a change of clothes for each kid. Oh, well. So, I drove home to get some clothes, and headed to the school.

When I got to the school office, they looked at me like they had no idea what I was doing there, and asked if they could help me with anything. I told them that I‘d gotten a call telling me to bring some clothes in, because my daughter had peed her pants. They said, “Oops, sorry, wrong parent.”

My daughter and this other girl had very similar names, and they’d looked up the wrong phone number. I said the girl who’d had the “accident” could wear my daughter’s clothes anyway, which was actually quite hilarious, because my daughter was very tall and the other girl was quite tiny, so the clothes were just hanging off her. Reddit user: bluetrunk

He’d Rather Be At Home

When our son was in the third grade, we got a breathless call from the principal of his school that started with, “Everything is ok, and your son is fine…” Not the best way to start a conversation about your kid. We were then asked to come and pick him up. Turns out, he got upset at recess, and basically said, “I’m done with this” and left school.

It took them a minute to realize he was gone, and then a chase ensued. The police were called, and several officers were dispatched to bring him back. When they finally managed to grab him, his logic was basically that he didn’t like getting in trouble during recess, so he’d rather be at home. I never found out what he’d supposedly gotten in trouble for. Reddit user: LargeProfessor

It Doesn’t Grow On Trees

I got a call from the school nurse to come in, because my 13-year-old child “ate something odd and couldn’t feel his tongue.” Bear in mind that I’m an RN, so I’m familiar with all sorts of medical anomalies. I asked a few questions over the phone to try to figure out what was happening, and all she said was, “You just need to come get him.”

Okay, then. Maybe he’s having an anaphylactic reaction, or maybe he’s got a canker sore. Who knows? So, I drive the 30 minutes to the school, and, thankfully, my child isn’t dead. Turns out my little genius thought lettuce grew on trees, and he ate a leaf because, “It looked like lettuce. I was hungry. I ate it,” and then he didn’t feel good.

Shocking, right? So, being the horrible mom – and actual medical professional – that I am, I made him rinse his mouth out again and again until it felt normal, told him he was grounded for a week, and left him there to finish his school day. He’s still alive, and that nurse hasn’t dared to call me again. Reddit user: day248

Sent Home For Laughing

I’m not a parent, but this happened to a friend of mine in third grade. Our class was split into small groups, and we were all working on projects. It was the perfect opportunity for everyone to be more talkative, and noisier than normal. I was in a group with one of my best friends and, to this day, I can’t remember what I said to him, but it made him laugh really, really hard.

His laughter started to subside a bit, but then he turned red and started laughing more and more. Turns out he’d laughed so hard he’d wet his pants, and that just made him laugh more. It got to the point that he was barely able get words out between breathless, red-faced laughs. So his dad had to pick him up from school, for laughing so much that he wet himself. It’s one of his dad’s favorite stories. Reddit user: T1978_sach

Together Forever

When my son was in the first grade I got a call from his teacher, who said there’d been an incident at recess that day. My son and his friend found a tube of super glue. His friend squirted some into his palm, and my son told him to rub his hands together. The kid did it and, of course, his hands got stuck.

I burst out laughing, and asked why the other kid would listen to my son. The teacher actually said, “I know, right?” and laughed, too. They didn’t get into any real trouble, they just had to stay in and read for the next recess. It was for the best. And they did get the kid’s hands apart. Eventually. Reddit user: [redacted]

You Out-Did Yourself, Kid

When my daughter was in middle school, her school called and told me to come and get her, because she had—on a dare—stuck not one, but two, Takis up each nostril. Takis, in case you don’t know, are these rolled-up corn chips. All the kids are eating them now. Anyway, it turns out she’d had an allergic reaction to them.

When I got there, all I could do was ask her, “why?” She said, as if it were obvious, “It was a dare, mom. They challenged me to put one up my nose, but I had to out-do myself, so I did two.” That’s my child, ladies and gentlemen. That one, right there. The one with two Taki’s up her nose. Reddit user: ShaunaW55

A Budding Conspiracy Theorist

My daughter is in her first year at a new school. They’re pretty strict, but not in an old-fashioned way. Last Tuesday was the first day of her school year, so she’s still getting a feel for the place. Today, less than a week in, I got a call because she walked straight up to her art teacher, and said, “You look like a reptilian.”

The person who called me was laughing, and said everything was cool. They understood, and were kind enough to call me to let me know what’d happened. We ended up chatting about reptilians and YouTube videos. I enjoy my share of good conspiracy theories, so it was double fun. The art teacher, on the other hand, didn’t think it was fun at all. Reddit user: mrfonsocr

She Thought Her Teacher Didn’t Read Their Work

So, I made the mistake of telling my stepdaughter about a professor I had in college that we knew never read our papers. I also told her that we even invented a game of fitting ridiculous sentences, and bad jokes, into the middle of paragraphs to see if we’d ever get caught. I didn’t see any harm in it. We were bonding.

Well, she apparently decided that was an amazing thing to do, and wanted to try it herself. You know, for science. One day I had to do a phone conference, because she turned in a history paper that was chock-full of awful puns. Unfortunately for her, the history teacher did, in fact, read all of their assignments. I’m dying to find out what she wrote. I’ll bet they were hilarious. Reddit user: [redacted]

It’s A Full Moon

I have four kids, all adults now, who were what you might call “high spirited” back in the day. My oldest son, however, won the prize, for an incident that happened in the sixth grade. I got a call one afternoon informing me that he’d been sent to the principal’s office. Nothing new there. But, they said that I needed to come get him at once. Uh oh.

On my way there, I’m picturing all of the horrible things he might have done to warrant an urgent call from the school, asking me to come get him right away. Apparently, he’d mooned the second grade class. All of them. Their teachers, too. On purpose. Because. why not? I like to remind him every so often of all the things he did to embarrass himself. It keeps him humble. Reddit user: seize_tomorrow

It Happened Like This

My second-grader was staying with her grandparents, while my husband and I were out of town. Before leaving for school one day, she asked her grandpa for a shoe box, claiming that she wanted to bring some leaves she found into her class for show and tell. Naturally, grandpa asked her why she couldn’t just use a plastic bag for the leaves, but she was adamant about the shoe box.

So, he got her a shoe box. Later that day, I got a call from the school about the discovery of some baby birds in my daughters’ shoebox. Turns out she had seen a nest of baby birds on my in-law’s front porch, and wanted to bring them in for show and tell, but was afraid they’d tell her “no” if she asked.

The teachers thought it was absolutely hilarious that my child had somehow managed to smuggle baby birds into school, and keep them there for so long without being found out. She didn’t get in and trouble, but we did have a conversation later that night about kidnapping, and a few other things. Reddit user: [deleted]

He Just Couldn’t Take It

This past August was the beginning of my son’s kindergarten “career.” This particular school didn’t have naptime for its kindergarten class. Strange, but okay. I didn’t think that it’d be a problem. One afternoon, however, I got a call to pick him up from the principal’s office. Apparently, he was under his desk, waving his safety scissors at everyone, and refusing to come out.

I feel I should add that my son’s a good kid. He’s not a serial disrupter, and he’s usually kind and polite to teachers and fellow students. Turns out he just wasn’t adjusting well to the school policy of “no naps and all the boring work.” His words. I did my best not to laugh, and I couldn’t help but think, “Same here, kid.”  Reddit user: Mpshell

Free Bird

When my step-son was in high school, their gym class was split up into PE and swimming. The problem was that, for some reason, one day during swimming, they were told not to use the pool. Rather than just having them do PE, they sat in the pool area doing nothing. They were, however, permitted to walk around. He decided he wanted to stand on the diving board. When the teacher yelled at him to get down, he said, “You don’t own me. You can’t control me.”

He then proceeded to yell “FREE BIRD,” at the top of his lungs, and jumped into the pool. He was fully clothed, mind you. The principal was laughing when we walked in, and he told us the only reason my son was getting sent home was so the teacher could save face. We listened to Free Bird on the way home. Reddit user: Survivedtheapocalyps

It Was Worth It

When I was in preschool, we had this day in the summer where they set up a bunch of kiddie pools for us to play in. We also had a big sand pit, which was not to be played in. For some reason, I decided to collaborate with two friends to turn the sand pit into a mud pit. Because, why not, right?

We overturned one of the pools into the sand box, turning it into a beautiful mud pit. I don’t know why I liked mud so much, but we played in there and were covered in mud in about three seconds. I got pulled inside by our teacher—still covered in mud—and she demanded I call my mom, and tell her what I did. So, I called mom. But, before I could tell her anything, the teacher snatched the phone from me and screamed, “COME PICK UP YOUR MUD-HEATHEN IMMEDIATELY.”

My mom would probably have actually been angry had my teacher not been so “creative” with her name-calling. I use ‘heathen’ as a go-to insult on the daily, and my mom still calls me a “mud heathen” to this day. I still think about that preschool sometimes. The mud pit was extremely fun, in case you’re wondering. I’d totally do it again. Reddit user: ScreamingPotoo

I Knew He Wasn’t Sick

When my youngest son was in first grade, I got a call from the school. It seemed that my son was at the front desk, with his backpack, ready for me to come pick him up, and was saying that I’d be there soon. I said, “No, I told him that if he felt ill to go to the nurse, after he had his picture taken.”

He’d been out sick the day before, because I follow the 24-hour fever-free rule, and he’d had a slight fever Sunday night. However, I knew that my kid was no longer sick, and suspected he was just done with school for the day. So, they sent him to the nurse to check him out, and I get another call five minutes later.

He didn’t have a fever, and he was sitting on the office couch and seemed pretty chatty, but still insisted that I was coming to get him. They asked if I wanted to speak with him, and I told them that I didn’t. He’s very cute, and a total charmer, so I wasn’t about to get suckered in by him.

I wondered if I’d be met with ire or tears, because I didn’t pick him up. Nope. He acted like nothing had ever happened. When I asked his teacher about it later, she said she was horrified because he just swooped up his backpack, and walked out of the classroom while her back was turned. And that’s the story of how my six-year-old tried to check himself out of school. Sixteen is going to be a roller coaster. Reddit user: Kit_starshadow

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

We once got a call from a very concerned vice principal, who said that our son, in the sixth grade at the time, had created a black market ring, selling Pokémon cards. He’d even recruited his younger brother to help him put together “mystery bags” with unknown contents, kind of like hockey or baseball-card packs with only one decent card inside.

He even had some friends selling them for him, in exchange for a “cut” of his daily income. He made almost a hundred bucks in a couple of days. My wife and I were mildly concerned, and had to explain what “the black market” was to him, but we were mostly just impressed with his business acumen. Maybe next time he has a business idea, it’ll be something he invented himself—which could, I suppose, be worse. Reddit user: [redacted]

Out Of This World

My youngest son had just started kindergarten. One day after recess he, for some reason known only to him, decided not to go back to class when the bell rang. Instead, he and another little boy hid behind some bushes. It took the poor, panicked teacher quite some time to find them. Of course, once she did, she took them straight to the principal’s office.

When they asked why he’d chosen to hide in a bush instead of going back to class, he straight up said, “I don’t have to go to school, I’m an alien.” I guess he was waiting on the mothership to come pick him up. I’m assuming I’m the “mothership.” It was so hard to lecture him about it with a straight face. Reddit user: Abiknits

She Trusted Me

I’m not the parent here, but when I was in the sixth grade, my mom was called to come pick me up, and speak to the school administrators. They didn’t tell me why. I found out later that they thought I was being neglected at home, because my 11-year-old self thought it would be a good idea to wear the same pair of sweatpants to school every single day for THREE weeks, and one of my teachers had raised the alarm.

If you think that my mom was embarrassed, you’d be right. In fact, that’s probably the understatement of the century. My mom usually wasn’t home in the mornings because of work, so she trusted me to dress myself. Clearly her trust was misplaced. Good times. Needless to say, it was a long time before I was allowed to dress myself again. Reddit user: GodOfBeverages

Red Hot Chili Peppers

I got called to come get my son, who was in the eighth grade at the time, because he was sick. It was my day off, so no problem. I arrived at the school to collect my ‘sick child’, filled out the paperwork, and headed home with him. I asked what kind of ‘sick’ he was (diarrhea, vomiting, general pain, etc.). He said he’d eaten something, and washed it down with six cartons of milk. I asked what it was he ate, and that’s when it all made sense.

He’d taken one of my home-grown ghost chili peppers right off the plant before getting on the bus, and had kids dare him to eat the whole thing. Being the astute eighth grader that he was, he did it. Ate the whole chili, and didn’t puke, but was in immense pain and was offered milk to “cool down.” It didn’t work, and the milk only caused a different kind of upset. Reddit user: Lexc0n

Not My Kid

I have a two-for-one. The first one is about my neighbor. The school called her to come get her kid, who had a stomach virus and, due to terrible “gastrointestinal upset,” needed to be picked up immediately. My neighbor and her husband only had one car at the time, and her husband was at work. So, she asked to borrow my car. No problem, happy to help. She even brought towels to cover the seats, just in case.

So she goes to the school and comes back. I ask how her kid is, and she goes, “Well, I walked in and there’s this p

oor sick kid, pale, sweaty, definitely unwell; she looks a lot like my kid, but it wasn’t my kid.” The nurse was mortified, and the poor kid had to wait for her actual parents. Awkward.

Three days later I get a call from the same school nurse, who tells me that I need to bring a new pair of pants for my kid, it’s an emergency. Uh oh, that didn’t sound good at all. So, I grab the pants and head to the school as fast as I can. Upon my arrival, I found my kid hiding in the bathroom.

Apparently, he’d snagged the pocket of his jeans on something during recess, and managed to rip his pants clean in half. I’ve never been so relieved. He seemed more upset that I was laughing at him than he was about the pants. I never did tell him why I brought the extra underwear. Reddit user: SuzyLooWhoo

She’s Right, You Know

Last week I got a call, in the middle of the day, from my daughter’s teacher and principal, insisting I come and speak with them, because my daughter was being “disruptive.” This isn’t an unusual occurrence. She’s intelligent, and has a vast collection of bizarre, useless facts because we watch lots of documentaries. And, bless her, if she thinks you’re wrong, she’ll tell you.

So, apparently, her teacher ended “toy day” because one boy was misbehaving. My daughter threw a fit because, “Punishing the whole class for one person’s badness is against the ‘gina convent’.” So I got called and fussed at, because she was being “disrespectful and argumentative.” Okay, well, firstly, she’s correct. Secondly, unless her tone was rude, her questioning you is not automatically disrespectful. I took her out of school anyway, and we went to lunch. Reddit user: fatmamma923

This One Time At Summer Camp

I got called to pick my son up from summer camp, because he had a rash all over his face and body. Strange. He is allergic to nuts, but I’d packed his lunch myself, and he didn’t have anything nut related. To be on the safe side they gave him Benadryl. The counselors were teenagers, so they did their best given the circumstances.

As we’re walking to the car, he told me that his chocolate covered raisins didn’t taste like raisins. He’d told one of the counselors, but they said, “Well your mom packed your lunch, and she wouldn’t give you nuts”. Wrong. I had chocolate covered cashews in the pantry for me, and I accidentally put them in my son’s lunch bag. Good thing he isn’t deathly allergic. Just mildly allergic. Oops. That could’ve been bad. Reddit user: pov333

That’s Not My Name

Here’s a story my mother loves to tell: when I was in the first grade, we moved to a new city. It was in the middle of the school year, so it was already stressful for me. During roll-call on my first day, I burst into tears and was a complete wreck, inconsolable. None of the teachers or staff could get me to calm down. They had to call my mother to come back to the school.

When she got there, I tearfully explained to her that I was crying because everyone was calling me “Steven,” but that my name was “Stevie.” Steven is my actual name. It’s what’s on my birth certificate and, presumably, what was on the attendance list. I’m 37 now and, thanks to this incident, most extended family still calls me Stevie. My mom was a good sport about it, but I have no doubt she was trying really hard not to laugh at poor Stevie. Reddit user: Krmaplcm