How To Get Out Of Your Own Way

Sometimes, we can be our own worst enemies. The phrase might sound trite and overused, but there’s plenty of truth to it. It might feel like it’s one tough break after another, and the world is stacked against you. It may seem like you’re trapped right where you are. But if you pause to objectively analyze the situations you’re finding yourself in, you might remark that the habits, ideas, and methods you foster in your life can be big players in how things are turning out for you…

Setting Your Sights Too High

Let’s say you’re a stand-up comedian from the rural Midwest, and you’ve been doing open mics for a few months. You hear about a big competition in New York with a cash prize and a chance to headline at a major club. Of course, you want to go and see if you can hang with the hotshots! 

But that might not be what’s best…not that there’s anything wrong with shooting for the moon. If you want to be successful, you need to have an honest understanding of your capabilities. Work in your area, build your reputation, and try to connect with others who can help you expand.

That’s not just advice for a comedian; that’s for everyone. As you work from where you’re at, your skills will improve. As you gradually branch out, you won’t find yourself overwhelmed by being a little fish in a vast, big ocean.

Setting Your Sights Too Low

You never shoot for the moon because you underestimate yourself, or you think the odds aren’t in your favor, so why bother. That could be why while it feels like you’re stagnating, unable to move forward in your career, love life, hobbies, or education. That’s not to insult people who are happy with where they’re at.

If you love being a short-order cook at the local diner, yes! Keep it up! But if you’ve always dreamed of opening your own place or becoming an executive chef, what have you got to lose by trying?

Rushing Your Project

From conception to the final product, it took Stephen King 8 years to write It. That’s right, eight years of outlines, drafts, and revisions leading up to one of his most iconic works. It’s easy to get excited when a new idea or plan strikes you. You want to make it happen immediately because you can’t wait to have the final product right in your hands. 

Rushing your projects isn’t going to result in quality. In the end, you’ll have a product, but odds are it won’t be anything like you imagined. Take your time and focus on quality. Give yourself time to revise and fix errors.

Procrastination

It just always seems like there’s more time than there really is, doesn’t it? We think that we’ve got lots of time, and the next thing we know, we’re 45 minutes from the deadline, hoping that we can churn out something passable. Some people claim that they do their best work under a tight deadline. While that may be true, there are ways to get that deadline feeling without running the risk of not meeting the deadline.

Split your project into smaller tasks and set deadlines for those. You still get your adrenaline rush, but you’ll have time, in the end, to revise and take care of loose ends because you aren’t waiting until the absolute last minute.

Confidence

All too often, we set ourselves up for failure because we don’t believe in ourselves. Well, that’s enough of that! If you find it hard to believe in yourself, surround yourself with encouraging people: people who give you honest appraisals of your best traits. If you’re feeling like a failure right now, stop and think about all the things you’ve accomplished.

You’ve got quite the resume. You should be impressed with all that you’ve done. Maybe you’re feeling low right now, but keep your chin up. You can do this!

Keeping Poor Company

If you don’t have any friends who build you up, you need to change that. People who belittle you, mock your passions, and ridicule your work are not the kind of people you need around you. Send those friends to the dumpster, and find some friends who tell you the truth and give you constructive criticism. 

And most of all, they should want nothing more than to see you succeed. When you find those friends, keep them close and always return the favor.

Self-Sabotage

If you’re good at something, you’re going to have plenty of haters. You don’t need to be one of those haters. If you tell yourself that you’re going to fail, guess what? You will fail. Stop thinking about failure and start thinking, “This is going to be hard, but I can do it.” If you allow your brain to create a failure narrative before you even try, then you’ll give up easily.

You’ll cheapen your work, because why bother if you’re just going to fail? Once these negative thoughts take root, they’re hard to get rid of. Don’t give them any real estate in your mind.

Think About the Outcome

Please try to remember what you are working towards. Let that big end goal motivate you to keep pushing forward, no matter what. Some people have a vision board that they post as a reminder, or they have a picture or quote on their phone that reminds them of the end goal. 

That way, you continually see the bigger picture and what you will get when it is all said and done.

Meditate

Meditation helps with inner peace. Sometimes, we need to clear our heads when there is too much going on around us, and even with our inner dialogue. Many successful people meditate every day to calm their minds and to have the clarity to focus on the tasks they need to accomplish that day. 

You can just sit and focus on your breathing, or you can download an app that will guide you through a meditation session. If you want, give yoga a try for a full body, mind, and soul experience. 

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

You should never start playing the endless comparison game. Avoid it at all costs, whether it comes to your weight, height, financial status, or any other category. When we start to compare ourselves to others, that is when we begin to see our own flaws, and jealousy can come into play. It is okay to see others’ accomplishments and use that as inspiration. 

However, you always need to look at others positively. Once you start comparing yourself negatively, that is when you get into trouble. 

Be Consistent

Let’s say your goal is to be healthier. You start strong and work out, eat healthily, and get a good night’s sleep for the first two days. Then you begin to fall off the wagon, order a large pizza, and go to bed at 2 am, and you do that for the next four days.

 That is not being very consistent in reaching your goals. You need to have the discipline to be consistent and to stick with it. 

Who/What Is Your Inspiration?

Take a hard look at who or what your inspiration is. Maybe your inspiration has changed and you need to go in a new direction to fit your life and goals better. That is okay! As long as you are still moving forward and you have something to look up to, that should be enough to pull you through. 

It might be someone you know at work or in your family. On the flip side, your inspiration can come from an athlete, musician, astronaut, president, supermodel, or some other famous celebrity. 

Give Yourself a Break

Even though we need to be consistent and follow our goals, sometimes we need to take a break. That rest and relaxation can be for physical or mental reasons, but listen to yourself and know when you need to take that break. You can come back recharged and refocused, ready to take on the next task. 

You should not consider yourself weak if you need to have a rest every now and then. Everyone needs and deserves a break to just do whatever they want, even if it is nothing! 

Set Clear Goals

When we have clear goals in mind, we don’t lose sight of where we want to be. Say your goal is to travel more; well, where do you want to travel? Maybe you want to go to Europe first. That is a clear goal rather than just a general goal of travel. 

Think about this with all of the goals you have, and it will paint a clearer picture for you for how to accomplish those goals.

To-Do Lists

Make yourself to-do lists. When we don’t have to-do lists, we can fall off the path we are trying to take. Once you have clear goals in mind, don’t let being unorganized hold you back. Set up to-do lists that are purposeful and get you closer to those goals. It can be better to break tasks up into smaller chunks and accomplish smaller goals first to get to the bigger goal.

Using travel as an example, maybe your first to-do is to get enough vacation hours to book your trip, then saving enough money, planning where you want to go, etc.

Ask for Help

It is always okay to ask for help when you need it. Don’t be embarrassed or scared to ask for help. People often feel good when you ask them for help; it makes them feel wanted, and it is good knowing they are helping a friend. If you are nervous about asking for help, try just asking questions about your situation first.

What would you do in this situation? How would you handle this? Support can be in the form of advice as well. 

Celebrate Wins

Remember to celebrate the wins that you accomplish. When we don’t acknowledge our successes, we can get into a rut. Your accomplishments are significant, and you have done a great job! Even if it is a small celebration just for you, you deserve it. Buy the new outfit, celebrate with a pizza or cupcake, whatever it is that will be like a reward for you, just do it.

It is not bragging when you are actually celebrating an accomplishment, especially if you never brag any other time. Some do it too much, but not you. 

Listen to Music

Music can be very uplifting. It is a universal language. If you need to get a project done in a timely fashion, listening to some upbeat music can help you move quicker. If you need to sit down and focus on something, some classical music to drown out any distractions is a great tool. 

You can find any music like this for free on YouTube or any other music app. Most of them are free, as long as you have Wi-Fi. 

You Can’t Be Perfect

Please remember this one. Nobody is perfect. You need to get out of your own head and stop thinking that everything, including yourself, needs to be just right. Nobody is 100% accurate, and it’s possible that the project you’re working on or the path to the goal you’re trying to achieve isn’t excellent either. 

Once you can be comfortable with that concept, then realizing that goal may come even more naturally to you.

Get Moving!

If you are in a slump or unmotivated, get moving! Go for a walk outside or do your favorite workout. Once you get the blood flowing, you will release endorphins in your brain, which will make you feel better! It doesn’t have to be an intense workout to have the same effect. 

Even a walk for a change of scenery can lead to the inspiration that you didn’t even know you had in the first place.

Don’t Be Afraid to Try Something New

If what you’re doing during your day-to-day activities isn’t giving you enjoyment or self-fulfillment, try something new. Stop doing what you have been doing, because it’s obviously not working for you. Whether it’s quitting your job to pursue a dream or picking up another hobby because before now you “didn’t have the time,” don’t let the fear of change stand in your way of happiness. 

Maybe the only thing holding you back is yourself and the fear of something new and different. You may find something really fun to do.

Pick Up a New Hobby

When you see someone Instagramming their latest “win” and they are excited to share their new calligraphy drawings, water-color paintings, cute little plants, or building something new out of stuff they found at a thrift store, you may be thinking, “Wow, I wish I could do that.” Guess what? You can! 

Pick a new hobby and try it.  The hardest part is trying it out. A key to this is to stick with it, even if what you make or do at first isn’t impressive.

Get Rest

Staying up too late on social media or binge-watching your favorite series on Netflix is so easy to fall into. You work all day, you come home, eat, maybe hang out with your dog or cat, and now all you want to do is unwind on the couch or in your bed with an excellent show. 

That’s fine to do sometimes, but what you need is rest. Getting plenty of rest at night is vital to make sure you are feeling the best version of yourself.

Find the Balance in Your Social Life

You have a new beau that you are obsessed with. It’s the honeymoon phase, and they are the best thing to walk the earth. Understandable, and it’s normal and healthy to live that phase to the end, but make sure it ends and you come back to earth to find your friends again. 

You should be excited and enjoy your new relationship; just make sure not to lose that balance. You will feel much happier having a circle of support instead of leaving it all up to one person.

Keep Your Space Clean

Your space, whether it is your car, room, kitchen, or living room, is a mirror of yourself and how you view your life. If you keep your space uncluttered and organized, you will feel like you can also be uncluttered and organized on the inside of your brain. Living in an area that is easy to breathe and move around in makes the space open for endless possibilities.

Not to mention, when your space is clean, you hold a sense of pride in your area, making your self-confidence boost through the roof.

Don’t Settle

Don’t settle for anything or anyone. We only accept the amount of love and respect that we think we deserve, so believe in yourself and understand that you deserve happiness and can achieve your dreams. If this is hard for you, start telling yourself daily that you deserve the best. You will begin to believe it.

The people that are around you that don’t believe this will not stay around, which will be the best thing to happen to you, because you’re not settling for people that don’t believe in you.

Take a Walk

Exercise is essential for obvious reasons. It makes our bodies healthier and we look better, making us feel better. Not everyone enjoys working out, however. That’s why you should start by taking a walk. Take a walk down the street to the market. Go for a hike on a scenic route nearby, or if you live near a place with some woods, walk until you see something interesting. 

Walking gets you fresh air and out of your immediate stresses. Just breathe and think about life while taking in the beauty of nature.

Wear Something That Makes You Feel Good

Whether it’s a sexy outfit that makes you feel like the hottest thing that has ever lived or the comfiest sweater in your closet that makes you feel secure and cozy, wearing something that makes you feel good prepares you for your day. If you feel like you need to get something achieved today, get out of your sweats. 

Put something on that makes you feel determined to be productive. If you need to relax at home with your cat, don’t worry about putting make-up on or your jeans. Dress for every occasion, and feel good doing it.

Drink Water

Drinking water is essential for everyone. Have you ever planned on drinking more water, did for a day or two, and felt like you were the epitome of health because of it? It makes you feel like you are doing something for yourself because you are. Give your body a break from caffeine and sugars and fill it with the world’s most delectable nectar: water. 

If you have trouble keeping with it, there’s an app for that. The hardest part of any new habit is, well, making it a habit. 

Set Limits for Yourself and Keep Them

Whether it’s spending too much money on clothes, spending too much time on social media, or trying to cut down on sugar, creating goals usually isn’t a problem. “I want to do this” or “I wish I were like this.” It’s so easy to say. It all comes down to self-discipline. Hold yourself accountable. 

If you want to only spend x amount of dollars on clothes for a special event coming up, take out that amount of money from the bank and leave your credit card at home. It will make you hold yourself accountable.

Stop Apologizing

Are you saying sorry a lot? If you are, the best thing to do is to ask yourself, “Why am I about to say sorry?” before you say sorry. Someone is listening to you, so you vent. You feel worried that they think that you’re annoying. They don’t, and if they did, they wouldn’t listen. 

Instead of saying sorry, say thank you. Usually, in the times that we have the urge to say sorry, saying thank you fits just as well, and it doesn’t make you feel so bad. Just grateful.

Take Time to Be Alone

Being alone can seem tedious, but being around people all the time is very overwhelming and can make you start comparing yourself to others. Instead of being concerned with what other people are doing and trying to fill your time with the company of others, fill it with yourself and get to know yourself. 

What do you like? What do you not like? It will make you more confident within yourself, and you’ll have much more to talk about when you do hang out with friends again.

Don’t Be Embarrassed 

No one is dancing, but you want to. You’ve always wanted to try karaoke, but none of your friends want to. You just bought a shirt that is different from what you usually wear, but you love it. Dance. Do karaoke. Wear the shirt. Stepping out of your comfort zone makes you feel awkward at first, but sooner or later, you’ll have the confidence to do anything you want. 

Ask for a raise/promotion, offer ideas to coworkers, or speak up at a meeting. Being embarrassed is a waste of time when you can embrace feeling awkward and just go for it. 

Don’t See Failures as the End

So you did your best. You put all of yourself into your dreams, and you failed. You feel crushed. Where do you go from here? It sounds cliché, but if you don’t succeed at first, try, try again. You actually learn more from failing. What didn’t work? You know now. 

If you succeed your first time through, you have nothing more motivating you to learn more. When you fail, by the time you succeed, you learn the ins and outs of your dream. 

Don’t Be Afraid to Take Up Space

You bump into someone at the grocery store. Don’t apologize. You have as much right to be in that place as they do. Instead, say, “Oh! I didn’t see you. I’ll watch out better.” You’re in a conversation with someone, and they are dominating the conversation. Speak your thoughts and ideas. 

They have as much right to be in the conversation as the other person. Don’t go unnoticed because you are too afraid to take up space physically and verbally. Think of all the possibilities you may let go by being afraid to take up space.

Fake It ‘Til You Make It

Sometimes the hardest thing to do in any situation is getting started. A new job can be daunting because you have no idea what you will be doing. That’s okay. Live in that moment, realize you need to learn, and fake it until you make it. Ask questions where you need to, but don’t be afraid to wing it. 

The worst that can happen is that you make a mistake, which is an asset. Being able to fly on the seat of your pants and fake it until you make it is a skill that will set you apart from many other people.

Read More Often

Reading can do so much for anyone. Reading makes us more aware of our surroundings and gives us other people’s accounts of living. You can learn from other people’s mistakes by reading an autobiography on how they overcame it. Sometimes all you need is to escape into another world that isn’t on a screen. 

Reading not only makes you smarter, but it will also make you feel good to say you are learning something.

Eat Healthily

It’s no secret that eating healthy will make you feel good, but did you know it can make you feel good emotionally too? When you eat healthily, it will make you feel good that you are doing something positive for your body. Creating a healthy meal for yourself is also a great way to get out of your own way. 

If you cook something for yourself, you will have the feeling of accomplishment with the added bonus of a tasty meal.

Relax With a Glass of Wine

Settle down after a long day and give yourself a break with a nice glass of your favorite wine, in moderation, of course. Too much alcohol will make you feel inevitably awful, but taking time to relax and treat yourself to a glass of wine while enjoying your recent Netflix show obsession is a great way to stop stressing about everyday life.

Coming home from a long day of work and sometimes bringing work home with you can make you burn out fast, and sometimes all you need is to separate stresses and try to get your mind on something else.

Go for a Drive

Stuck at home and can’t think of anything but what is going on in your life? Or are you procrastinating? Maybe all you need is a beautiful little scenic drive with the new playlist you created on Spotify. Think through your life and scream your favorite tunes at the top of your lungs with no one around to deal with your horrible singing. 

Roll the windows down and make a mental plan on what you are going to do when you get back home. You’ll feel better.

Retail Therapy

Treat yourself to something you have always wanted, or if your budget is tight, some fuzzy socks from Target. Sometimes all you need is to get out of your head and into a store window shopping around. While you’re out, pretend you are someone completely different: no problems, stresses, or struggles. Set a limit for yourself to spend on yourself; don’t go over, but enjoy whatever you get. 

That way, you don’t feel guilty for spoiling yourself when you get back to your real world. The easiest way is just to take out cash and leave your credit card at home.